The immortal line from the song “Closing Time” by Semisonic.   Sung at every drunken frat party at the turn of the century when it didn’t matter whether or not you were drunk or if it was late.  It just mattered that you had your arm around one of your buddies so that you can steady yourself against someone who is just as inebriated as you were.  But the song was also quite appropriate in another way.

Last Thursday, I officially closed on my fixer upper.  After about 4-5 months of looking at home after home and having 4 offers rejected, I finally came to the offices of a title and escrow company to sign my life away.  Again.  With me at Closing Time was my realtor, Pat Judy, who was that not-drunken comrade who kept me steady during my house hunt.  She listened to every crazy idea I had, and even helped follow up on them with multiple emails and phone calls to agents and absentee homeowners.  She also told me when my ideas were idiotic, but she did so in such a nice manner.  What really stood out was when she pleaded my case to the sellers of the fixer upper that I wound up with.  She told the sellers that I will be an owner-occupant, that I really wanted to live in the area, and have already been turned down multiple times.  Her pleadings (and an extra $12k over list price) was what put me over the top in “winning” this house.

Since my offer was accepted about a month ago, I had a termite inspection and a home inspection for information purposes. The terminate inspection had a good news / bad news outcome.  Good news:  no termites.  Bad news:  bed bug and roach infestation. Here is how bad the bed bug situation is. Meet one of the current residents.

This is a picture of where some of the bed bugs were found in the unfinished basement.  That black stuff is not mold.  It is the fecal matter from the bed bugs.  After being told this, I had images of fighting off a zerg rush.  With a spatula.  

The home inspection also had a good news / bad news outcome.  Good news is that there is no structural damage or problems.  Bad news is that there is some asbestos.  Given the age of the place (74 years old) I also suspect there may be some lead paint as well.

So I just signed the deed to a place with asbestos and infested with roaches and bed bugs.  So yeah, I don’t have to go home.  And I could not stay there.  Come to think of it, it feels more like an AC/DC Song.